SO. I think I'm going to start writing in here again, even though no one will probably read it.

I've been alone since.. July 2nd, like...I'm in California right now staying at my sister's place,
and my sister and her husband are gone to a convention for work.
And I haven't had any face to face human interaction since then.
They come back tomorrow night, and I've never been alone for so long on my own.

As odd as this is, I kind of..enjoyed it..

I mean, I can't say I was completely utterly elated but..yeah. I was definitely enjoying it.
But it also gave me a lot of time to think. I thought a lot. a lot a lot a lot.
Like there were times where I was just laying on the bed staring at the ceiling for maybe about two hours straight
to think about the type of person I've become
the type of person I've been
All my actions
All my lies, my deeds, everything.
And I've come to the conclusion that I really don't know if I'm crazy or not,
and i'm NOT saying this to get attention or anything, but it's like

I really don't know if I'm normal. Am I ?

I surely don't hate myself, at all. I mean...

But like... I know I've done horrible things and that I'm not the nicest person ever, I'm manipulative and I take advantage of people, I use people, I lie to them, I lie upon lies upon lies..I stack them upon each other and I hide things from people and I like attention..for the wrong reasons. I'm two faced..But it's like..I admit to all of this.. And people act like it's normal..like.. "oh..every person is like that..we're only human"...but even then,

that...those actions, those qualities should never be considered normal. never.

they are wrong and unkind, evil, mostly.

however, without denying, it IS part of the norm, though it shouldn't be.

I don't want to be normal.